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When I was first learning to drive, I had trouble staying on the road. This is probably a common problem. There is so much to do, to keep track of. I watched everything - my mirrors, the placement of my hands on the wheel, the gas gauge, the heat gauge, the speedometer. Every click of the odometer got my attention. But especially I watched all those dangerous things. The other cars on the road. The edges of the road. ALL THOSE TREES! The ... oh no! Those Jersey Barriers! Every time something happened on the side of the road, something dangerous, I looked at it. Every time I looked at the dangers, I swerved dangerously closer to them. My father gave me some advice. "Look where you want to go." He continued, "You will go where you are looking. If you look at the side of the road, that is where you will end up." It was very hard not to look at the things that I knew were dangerous. ALL THOSE TREES! But I tried. And the more I looked where I wanted to be, the easier it was to stay on the road. You may have guessed what I'm getting at. It's not just driving. It's everything. In my life, when I paid attention to the dangers, the things I didn't want to have happen, life generally got worse. In fact, a lot of those awful things happened. When I focused on the road, on what I wanted to happen, it was a lot more likely that those things happened. They happened beyond my wildest dreams of what was possible. It sounds way too simple. But you won't lose anything if you give it a try. Pick something, anything. Start with something you can actually get yourself to try fully. Start with something where you can let go of watching over the dangers. Really let them go. I mean, not even watching them out of the corner of your eye. Oh, ok. First couple times... you'll probably look. But try not to. So. (*) Pick a thing to do. It doesn't have to be huge at first. In fact, if you've been stalled out by anxiety, pick something small and do-able. It could be something like "I'm going to cook dinner tonight." It could be, "I'm going to get the mail." It could be, "I am going to pet the cat." The first thing you pick to do will be something you know you can do. The next one will be too. Do not pick anything you do not know you can do. This is about doing things you can do, not learning new ones. Then tell yourself, "I trust myself. I can do this. This will go well. And I'm able to deal with any glitches. So I don't have to watch them." Tell yourself "I can do this!" every time your attention wanders. It helps to have a list of steps that you can use to refocus on your goal. A little list. Like this: 1) Open door. 2) Walk to mailbox. 3) Get mail out. 4) Walk back to house. 5) Put mail on counter. 6) Pet cat (but only if you have already done the Pet Cat goal). Go do it. Then come back and finish reading this.
You're back? If it worked, terrific! Go back to the (*). If there were problems, terrific! You just started doing this. But guess what. YOU DID IT! You picked a goal and aimed for it. That is something. You did something. So, go back to the (*). Note: Yes, I know I'm sending you back to that (*) every time. If you're a computer programmer, you're probably not even reading this, because you went back and you never GET to this part. But anyhow. This is a life-long lesson. You need to do this all the time, for the rest of your life. Every time you will do something you know you can do. Your trust in your Self will improve, and your goals will get bigger. You will know you can do it then. But first, pet the cat. Make the bed. And get the mail out of the mailbox. That's how things are. |
